Toxic Masculinity: Masculinity or Murder?
Toxic masculinity is the unhealthy image or stereotype of what it means to be a man as defined by societal gender norms. Such norms include being strong, tough, emotionless, or asserting male dominance. This issue still prevails in our day to day life- be it sports, movies, families, school etc.
Sports: Sportsmen usually show aggression during the game and it is considered as ‘manliness’ whereas if a sportsman tears up in a match, he is mocked for it and it is considered as a sign of weakness. Many sports are considered to be masculine because of the societal norms and beliefs that they require toughness, hence the whole “it’s a men’s game” assertion.
Movies: Celebrities are glorified for their on-screen aggression. This portrays the idea of being tough, rowdy and well, macho. It also tends to undermine feminist ideas. The maltreatment of women normalised through movies also makes them lack an opportunity to stand up for themselves. They believe that’s how men behave and it is okay to be mistreated. Such examples of Bollywood movies depicting hegemonic masculinity are- Sholay, Kabir Singh, Sonu ke Titoo ki Sweety etc. The “Angry Young Man” era was truly the era that laid the foundation of what a man should be.
Families: The majority of mothers don’t accept that their sons can make mistakes or misbehave. Defending the son is the prime duty for most mothers. And the behaviour of these boys towards women becomes toxic if their father usually considers their wives as objects. “Boys will be boys” can evolve into excuses for violent behaviour and promote rape culture.
School: There are plenty of men especially children and teenagers who don’t display traits of toxic masculinity but are indirectly affected by it. They don’t fit inside the predetermined box of what it is to be ‘masculine’ and find themselves being ostracised because of it.
Homophobia and various other examples:
There have been instances wherein homosexuality has also been seen as a threat to toxic masculinity. The societal norms of ‘masculinity’ enforce attraction to a cisgender, straight woman. Men tend to find it peculiar to be polite towards their peers of the same sex and often clarify it by joking about queer stuff and using terms like “no homo”. All of this promotes homophobia and is problematic to a very high extent.
Leaders like Justin Trudeau of Canada is one such example of a man’s attempt to abolish toxic masculinity. He is often spotted participating in gay pride parade to show his support towards the community. However, many men find it “emasculating” to show their support towards the LGBTQIA+ community.
Men who indulge in activities which are often considered as ‘feminine’ , because of the prevalent stereotypes in our society, end up getting bullied by their peers and it becomes demeaning for them as well.
Adding to this, one thing I’ve observed in my school is, men demeaning their fellow mates because growing a beard is apparently considered ‘manly’ and if you fail to do so, you’re not manly enough. Seriously?
Impact on Mental Health:
Feeling emotional or talking openly about feelings go against these traditional masculine values, there is the added risk that men experiencing mental health issues might not seek out professional care or even talk about their struggles with friends or family. Some men might ‘act out’ some of these behaviors as they strive to be more ‘masculine.’ This can lead to questionable and dangerous behaviors. They even tend to attempt suicide because of the societal pressure and the expectations they have to keep up with just because they are a man. Men have feelings too, they cry too, they have emotions too.
No they’re not being ‘too feminine’ or ‘weak’. No they’re definitely NOT ‘crying like a women’.
And yet again, is toxic masculinity really ‘masculinity’ or simply the murder of the soul inside of a man? Masculinity is not something society, or any definition can instill in a person, nor is it something it can take away. It is up to each individual to define their identity.
All it takes is one act of courage to end years of chauvinism and patriarchy.
It’s 2021! The gender biases need to end.